LAVRADA – The Grand Republic and its First Consul do hereby take responsibility for the recent cyber attack on MicroWiki and its forums. First Consul Brizendine personally led a loyal group of superhaxxors in downing the services, calling the site “a decadent cesspit of immorality, immaturity, illegitimacy, illiteracy, debauchery, degeneracy, and general dumboscity.” Brizendine did this to the community for the greater good, hoping to make people realize that slandering the Grand Republic means death by haxx.
Regardless, the great Consul is merciful, and he called off his team and restored the site’s functionality. However, if the trend of stupidness continues, and the will of the people is again usurped by the people who don’t know what they want without the First Consul speaking for them, Delvera will launch its micromissiles around the globe, obliterating any bourgeois micronation that resists.
All hail the glorious leader, live long and don’t prosper more than your fair share, and floss regularly.
Reporter: Jordan Brizendine
(To all third graders reading this: it’s a joke. Don’t delcare war on us!